home is where the heart is.

Ah, the search for a room continues.

I wonder if this is how the judges of Australian Idol feel. First there's the promotion, then there's the hope that enough people will actually turn up to audition to ensure another season will be viable... then there's the actual auditioning process -- and the desperate hope that someone, dammit, someone will actually have something they can work with. Talent. A likeable persona. Or, more importantly, a marketable persona.

Sure, it's a bit of a wild stab, connecting the incidents of auditioning talentless 'musicians' for a reality tv show (disclaimer: I do realise that some of the auditionees are incredibly talented, yes, yes.) and the hunt for a room to rent so that I have somewhere at least permanent for the next year or so to LIVE. But I never did promise logical comparisons.

After all, the paradoxical nature of "reality" television (which is, in actual fact, construed and unscripted film, edited into some semblence of vague fascination and placed on the screen for 60 minutes, with advertisements playing intermittently -- all the while, marketed in such a way that what is otherwise uninterested, is commercialised AS interesting) is hardly logical by far. If reality is a massive studio in which a series of stainless steel kitchen benchtops sit, arranged in rows like some kind of absurd production line and the worse you can do is guess an ingredient wrong and get kicked off the show? Then I want to swap realities, please.

No, really.

I'd trade being eliminated from MasterChef or Australian Idol with, oh... I don't know. Being eliminated from University. Being eliminated from home. Being eliminated from life itself. Okay, so the last one is kind of dramatic, I know. But I had to say it.

It's nice to take a reality check once in a while. After all, I still:

• have a job
  
• have somewhere safe to sleep
  
• am free to express myself and practice my religion
  
• am enrolled in a university!
  
• have endless opportunities ahead of me

Sure, there's plenty of limitations. But I can see that God's hand is in all of this somewhere and somehow. Things don't just happen for no real reason, after all. There is a purposeness to the ongoing human narrative (I stole that line. I admit it. Thanks, Tim), afterall. And I don't know how or when it will be solved, but I believe it will be -- and in a way that I possibly did not expect.

However, if you're reading this? Please keep praying. I so appreciate your support.

Love,
n.